IN HER HEAD BEFORE THE SHOOT: I was excited, but still wondered if I had the right outfits. I fretted over what to bring for a week and a half! Natalie gave me some ideas and I was able to look at some of her other pictures, and when I got back home I was like, “okay, is this going to work?”. That’s why I brought so much stuff to my shoot!
IN HER HEAD, DURING THE BOUDOIR SHOOT: Natalie made it really easy. She put the bra, the panties, the shoes together from what I brought. She immediately knew what she wanted to work with, and I agreed. As for the makeup and hair - I had never been made up like that in my life, so it was great! Chrissy was really nice, too. It just made me feel even more beautiful and put me in the mood to have fun (the mimosa’s helped too!). I felt very comfortable during the entire process, and I felt even sexier as the shoot progressed. Natalie gave me direction on where to look, how to look, what to do with my hands. Some of the poses are hard to keep your balance for, I almost fell on my face! But Natalie showed me shots on the back of the camera and I thought, “these are looking good, I pulled it off!” I absolutely loved it.
HER THOUGHTS ON HER BOUDOIR PHOTOS: Natalie asked me to describe the woman (me) I saw in this photo…. I said ‘Wow, first of all, she’s beautiful. She’s rocking it. And she looks really confident and strong’. These photos reinforced the positive thoughts I’d had about myself. It was tough getting to that point. Growing up I always felt awkward and gawky and skinny and weird. My husband just makes me feel beautiful. He always gave me self-confidence. And I think, too, over the years, with having the kids, I felt better about myself. Now after the shoot, I feel even more empowered. Even more sexy. I tell everyone, ‘you know I’m a model now, don’t you? I’m a top model, now!’. My husband is worried I’m going to be impossible to live with now.
I really love my tattoo. There’s a woman in there - I’m the tree. And growing in the roots is my husband and my sons’ names because they’re my foundation - they help me grow. Especially the boys, because of the difficulty I had to have them. They made me, they changed me. I’m a better person now. I am who I am because of them.
PARTING THOUGHTS: I have infertility issues- endometriosis. At 21 I was told I would never have children, and I felt devastated. Everybody is supposed to easily have kids and I wondered, ‘what’s wrong with me?!’. I felt alone and very isolated. The one thing that is supposed to be fun in marriage, the romance is totally gone from because here is the thermometer, here is the chart, let’s do this! The fertility process is so hard on your body, you pump you full of drugs- you go to the doctor constantly. I got pregnant a few times… and then I’d go in so they could check my levels. They’re supposed to be doubling if you’re pregnant. Then they call you one day at work, to tell you the numbers are going backwards, so you know you’re having a miscarriage. And you’re at work, like, ‘okay, thanks’. As you get older and you’ve been married for a while, there’s always that question, “When are you going to have kids?”. But you don’t want to share your problem with anyone. I never ask anyone who doesn’t have kids when they plan to have kids, because I know. It would hurt so bad if they’re trying. It’s just that question, it’s a stab in the heart.
I was told I couldn’t have children, but I did. It made me feel beautiful to have my kids. I want other women going through infertility issues to know not to give up. We knew, even if we couldn’t have kids biologically, that there was always adoption or fostering. Someway, somehow, I was going to make it happen. There’s always hope. You have to believe in yourself, build a good friend base, have someone to talk to and share with. I come from a household and family of strong females. If you get us together, watch out! That strength was instilled in me. Us young women in our family were taught that you don’t really NEED a man - do for yourself, have for yourself. If you have a man, that’s great. But don’t ever lose yourself.